


Africa and Anxiety

by amandasarmada



Series: What Else? [13]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3072152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandasarmada/pseuds/amandasarmada
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As C.J. prepares for her upcoming trip to Africa, Danny's nervousness grows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Africa and Anxiety

**April 27, 2007**

It was early and she was lying in contentment under strewn sheets, her mind already drifting towards work. She had less than a week before she left for a long-anticipated trip to several areas scattered across Central Africa to scout out locations for her highways project. She would be meeting with leaders of the regions, checking out locations, and working with a crew to organize the different departments of labor.

“I'm going to miss you, you know.” Danny's voice broke the peaceful morning air. Clearly his thoughts weren't far from hers.

She smiled at him, still sleepy even after their morning rendezvous. “You miss me when I leave for 9 hours to go to work,” C.J. scoffed, teasing him.

“Not gonna dispute it. Gave up any attempts at dignity long ago.” He gave a soft laugh.

C.J. curled up closer to him on the bed, getting cozy under the thin sheet draped over her legs. “I've been thinking,” she said after a moment. “Maybe when I get back, we should start looking for our own place.”

Danny looked at her, surprised but pleased at the change of subject. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. It's about time, don't you think?”

“Well, I wasn't going to be the first to say it-” he let out an exaggerated gust of air at the gentle nudge she gave to his stomach.

“I've had other things on my mind,” C.J. defended herself, crawling up his chest a little to kiss his cheek. “Come on, Fishboy. You can go back to sleep in a little bit, first you're going to make me breakfast.”

* * *

Upon stepping out the door, her morning had quickly escalated into the day from Hell. It had rained that morning and the roads had been terrible, and she chastised herself once again for putting off moving out of the condo and into somewhere closer to where her new office had been established. She was almost forty-five minutes late by the time she got to the office, and her schedule was a wreck. The skies had cleared by lunchtime, but she wasn't able to enjoy it, as she'd had to rearrange a meeting and was stuck in her office the whole day, her back to the window. She'd pulled Carol out of the media office to help her field appointments, as Mattison worked the phones and tried to hold off the piranhas. She'd had to shake off calls from Josh all day, and by five o'clock her crankiness was running on Toby levels. She had to stay late for a conference call with Hollis, whose flight had been delayed because of the weather that morning, and even as she picked up her coat at 7:00, she knew her day wasn't over – she had a call at 10:30 that night with a representative in Uganda.

It had been another exhausting day, and C.J. dropped her bag onto the kitchen bar with the intent of changing her clothes and going for a soak in the jacuzzi before curling up in bed, hoping to relax before her phone call. She was surprised to see Danny home already; she knew he'd had a dinner meeting with a representative from his publishing company in San Diego and he'd warned her he might be late.

“Hey stranger,” she murmured, dropping into the living room and seating herself next to him on the couch before leaning in for a kiss. He smiled at her, though it didn't quite reach to his eyes. She frowned a little, her mind still on her day, but eager to get rid of the squeezing feeling in her stomach that seemed to arise whenever he had that expression.

“Danny? Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.” He gazed blankly at the television screen, which was tuned into a game.

“You sure? You have that look.”

“I have a 'look'?” he inquired, turning his head to frown at her. She gave him a small smile. “Sometimes, you have a 'look,'” she told him.

“I'm sorry. I'm just-”

He didn't have any idea how to bring it up with her. They'd discussed it before and he'd mentioned his concerns, but he didn't know how to broach the subject deeper without risking her losing it. He didn't want her to see him as controlling, and yet. It was all he could think about. She was leaving in a few days, and as his window of opportunity closed, the sick feeling of anxiety threatened to overwhelm him.

“I guess I was just thinking about the Congo,” he said lightly, trying to gauge her reaction. To his chagrin, she caught on immediately, her brow furrowing.

“Danny, I have to go.”

“I didn't say you didn't.”

“We have pictures and formal studies and piles of detailed reports on the region and what steps we should take, but I _have_ to go see it myself. I'm their leader, I can't ask people to go in and help a region I'm not willing to visit myself.”

“You're the president of a non-profit C.J., not a commander-in-chief,” he spit out, the desperation in his voice audible.

She eyed him, her voice soft. “I have to go speak to the people there in person. We have to be seen as allies, not colonialists.”

“How are you not going to be seen as colonialists if you come in guns blazing?”

“It won't be 'guns blazing'. Danny, I'm doing all of this right, I promise. I'm going to be safe.”

“Going in safe means going in with guns, which isn't likely to make the locals feel good.”

“Danny, we've done a lot of research on this, these are experts, I'm prepared, and this is important-”

“ **What about Billy Price**?” he blurted out, his voice rising far more than he intended it to.

The look on C.J.'s face cut him straight in the gut. She stared at him, crestfallen, and her voice became uncharacteristically quiet.

“Danny. Did you just say?”

“I'm sorry C.J.,” he replied desperately. “I'm sorry, I'm just going out of my mind-”

“Shut up. _Danny, shut up!_ ” Her voice became dangerously low again. “Do you think that name hasn't crossed my mind over and over again in the past three months?” She tried to catch her breath, as Danny gazed at her, looking anguished. “I haven't... _forgotten_ , Danny. Do you think I've forgotten?”

Danny just looked at her, frozen with fear and anxiety. Her voice was rising now, her face twisted.

“Danny, I sat with his wife when it happened. I was there while we were waiting for news, and I was the one who told her – I _told_ her! I stood with her and Billy's editor while she broke down, I held her hand as she wept, I listened as she wailed in grief about her children, you think I've forgotten about Billy Price?”

“Then how can you be mad at me for being scared?” he whispered, his eyes searching her face.

“I'm not mad at you for being _scared,_ I'm mad because you're being patronizing! I'm not stupid, and God knows I'm not particularly brave, not about things like this. I've been _shot at_ Danny, I've had stalkers and death threats and I wasn't stoic about it, I have no heroic desire to go into a place where I'm risking my life. We're going to be smart about it, I'm not going to be reckless, I know how and when to keep my mouth shut. I have a security team that was handpicked by Ron Butterfield, I've had multiple hour-long conversations with Kate Harper on safety procedures tailored specifically to the different regions in each country. How can you tell me you think I shouldn't go? You spent years in dangerous foreign countries, you think I wasn't keeping track of where you were going? You think I was fooled by those cutesy messages you used to send me when you were on the road? I'm not _stupid_ Danny, I know what kind of stuff you were getting up to-”

“I'M NOT YOU!”

She stared at him.

“I _know_ I can't stop you, I know I have no right to ask you to stay, but god DAMN it C.J., I have a right to be terrified!”

“No, Danny,” she said quietly. “You don't. Because I'm scared enough for both of us, and I need you to not be scared.”

He stared at her silently, then wrapped her in his arms. He knew what she needed from him. He closed his eyes, squeezing her tightly, trying to put himself in the mindset he'd fallen into 7 years ago, when he'd heard the gunshots at Rosslyn.

“Okay, C.J.,” he muttered. “Okay. I'm your guy.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who may have forgotten about Billy Price (shame on you!), it's from the episode "Night Five" from season 3. Also, the next chapter is about her trip, and then things start to get fluffy again.


End file.
